Raining Shoes

Not those kind.

For good or not, most of the time I go through life waiting for some shoe to drop. The good side is that it helps make me better prepared; the not so good side is that preparing for things that don’t happen takes a lot of energy that might have benefited me more if spent elsewhere. I highly value security, so being prepared for … whatever … nearly always wins that debate.

There was a moment of clarity about five years ago where I realized that hubby and I were living a little too much in the moment. We routinely had only about a week’s worth of food, no way to store water if that became a problem, no clear plan of attack to pay down debt, and not much in savings in case of some personal catastrophe. Taken as a whole, it alarmed me.

I started with the food, since — well, that’s where I always start! We bought a chest freezer so we could get in on good deals, like buying several turkeys at the rock bottom pre-Thanksgiving price. I stock up on any kind of meat on sale.

I bought a Berkey water filter to replace the expensive and not portable PUR filters we’d been using on tap water. I also bought some portable water containers.

We had the attic insulated to R48 a year before oil went to $140/barrel. In three winters’ time, it’s pretty much paid for itself in cutting back our heating oil expenses.

It did come to pass that there would be extreme personal health emergencies and unemployment in both of our families. The shoes have been dropping regularly for a couple of years now. The economy is not getting better, unless you are a banker in line for your taxpayer-funded bonus. (Really really tired of “too big to fail” while all else crumbles.) And we may be heading into a season of deadly flu — which even if it isn’t so deadly, it will be disruptive. Our health insurance may end December 31st; a future shoe I am hoping fervently to not experience.

We’re as ready as we can be at this point. Are you?

Share My Stuff! ~
  • email
  • Print
  • PDF
  • Add to favorites
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn
  • Technorati
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • del.icio.us
  • Google Bookmarks
  • FriendFeed
  • Google Buzz
  • Yahoo! Buzz
  • MySpace

Permanent link to this article: http://thirdofalifetime.com/2009/09/28/raining-shoes/

October 1, 2009 ~ Skip a Meal

Feed the World

Feed the World

Skip a meal October 1st and donate the savings to local and global hunger relief. Let’s together help solve global hunger, one tweet at a time!

Hashtag on Twitter is #twitterforfood

Share My Stuff! ~
  • email
  • Print
  • PDF
  • Add to favorites
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn
  • Technorati
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • del.icio.us
  • Google Bookmarks
  • FriendFeed
  • Google Buzz
  • Yahoo! Buzz
  • MySpace

Permanent link to this article: http://thirdofalifetime.com/2009/09/25/october-1-2009-skip-a-meal/

Musings On Mackenzie Phillips

09/30/09 ETA: If I gave the slightest impression that my focus here is derived from anything other than concern for Mackenzie Phillips’ well-being, please read my follow up statement in the comments.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

For over 30 years, Mackenzie Phillips’ life has been a train wreck, punctuated every couple of years by drug arrests, rehab stints, and public confessions. She told the story of her father shooting her up with drugs at age ten a long time ago. I kept thinking, why does she do this? What motivates her to go public with things that don’t shed especially pleasant light on herself or family members? What is not being heard that she keeps struggling to convey? I always hoped — and still do — that she would find a terrific therapist, because the need is strikingly evident.

So she did the “Oprah exclusive” interview yesterday to publicize the release of her book, High On Arrival. The bombshell was that, at age 19, she and her father got stoned to the point of passing out the night before she was due to marry, and she awoke to find her father having sex with her. She claims that they maintained a ten year “consensual” sexual relationship thereafter, and she only ended it after she became pregnant, did not know who the father was, and aborted the baby.

I understand the need for cleansing and closure. I understand the need to confess to that which brings you tremendous shame and guilt. And maybe pleasure. But let’s call it what it was. John Phillips was a druggy who inflicted his habit and lifestyle upon his young daughter. Addictive personalities are manipulative to the max. She stated she was starved for his attention, and wanted to please him. By age 19, she’d become his reflection — another druggy with poor boundaries and little impulse control — great legacy, Dad.

But I don’t believe that even at age 19, waking up in a drug-induced stupor to find your father having sex with you is a picture of “consent”. It’s a picture of rape. Period. And as far as it being “consensual” for the next ten years — ever hear of the Stockholm Syndrome?

Stockholm syndrome is a psychological response sometimes seen in abducted hostages, in which the hostage shows signs of loyalty to the hostage-taker, regardless of the danger or risk in which they have been placed. The syndrome is named after the Norrmalmstorg robbery of Kreditbanken at Norrmalmstorg in Stockholm, in which the bank robbers held bank employees hostage from August 23 to August 28, 1973. In this case, the victims became emotionally attached to their captors, and even defended them after they were freed from their six-day ordeal.

What else can you call how she speaks about her father now? He’s dead, and she’s still trying to make his role in her life seem not horrific. She implores us to not hate him, and states her categorical forgiveness. I hope that’s some comfort to her, but from my own experience, saying you forgive someone who harmed you irretrievably doesn’t make everything okay unless and until you truly face what actually happened. “Consensual” is the kind of rationalization people tell themselves because the reality is too damaging. And the need for love — any kind of love — is too great.

She has a year of sobriety now. That’s amazing, all things considered. I hope she is strong enough to withstand the onslaught of millions of judgmental people, most of whom have never been within a mile of her shoes, let alone worn them.

I hope she can find some peace.

Share My Stuff! ~
  • email
  • Print
  • PDF
  • Add to favorites
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn
  • Technorati
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • del.icio.us
  • Google Bookmarks
  • FriendFeed
  • Google Buzz
  • Yahoo! Buzz
  • MySpace

Permanent link to this article: http://thirdofalifetime.com/2009/09/24/musings-on-mackenzie-phillips/

Toni Collette Should Get Four Emmys, Apparently

While I can congratulate Toni Collette for winning Best Actress in a Comedy Series for United States of Tara, that’s about all I can do. I don’t get Showtime, so I’ve never seen it.

I’d like to see it. People with Dissociative Identity Disorder can be very funny. We certainly get ourselves into predicaments most people never dream about. Like, arriving at a party in a dress we’d never be caught dead in, but … there we were. (Kind of explains some of the dresses that ended up at the Emmys.) Like, faking our way through conversations with people who know incredible details about us. (Just like the Emmys!) (Not talkin’ ’bout you, Toni!)

So Toni! Have Diablo Cody’s people call my people, ‘k? We have a million ideas. ;)

Share My Stuff! ~
  • email
  • Print
  • PDF
  • Add to favorites
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn
  • Technorati
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • del.icio.us
  • Google Bookmarks
  • FriendFeed
  • Google Buzz
  • Yahoo! Buzz
  • MySpace

Permanent link to this article: http://thirdofalifetime.com/2009/09/21/toni-collette-should-get-four-emmys-apparently/

Sugar Shortage? (Is that a bad thing?)

Last month, The Wall Street Journal reported that

Some of America’s biggest food companies say the U.S. could “virtually run out of sugar” if the Obama administration doesn’t ease import restrictions amid soaring prices for the key commodity.

In a letter to Agriculture Secretary Thomas Vilsack, the big brands — including Kraft Foods Inc., General Mills Inc., Hershey Co. and Mars Inc. — bluntly raised the prospect of a severe shortage of sugar used in chocolate bars, breakfast cereal, cookies, chewing gum and thousands of other products.

Vilsack’s not exaggerating about the “thousands of other products”. Read the nutrition labels on food, and you will find sugar is in just about everything, including stuff like bread, salad dressing, ketchup, peanut butter, and spaghetti sauce. Read the label on “low fat” anything, and odds are they make it taste better by adding sugar to it. Low fat yogurt and mayonnaise come to mind.

Having reluctantly given up 99% of my sugar consumption — and it used to be major — I did my part to save some for everyone else’s latte or iced tea. But if this shortage is real, you will do yourself a favor to start cutting back on your own timetable rather than one suddenly imposed by M&Ms’ prices tripling. Besides saving money, you can’t possibly harm your health by cutting back on sugar. (It’ll just feel like it is when you first forego it.)

I know it’s hard to break habits, particularly if they involve a form of addiction, or fill a specific need or void. Food — and especially, sugar — has long been my anti-anxiety drug of choice. Having external controls placed on it just ups the anxiety. I far prefer to control the time and place of the habit-breaking. It becomes my choice and my decision, and when I succeed there can be no doubt that it’s also my victory.

Share My Stuff! ~
  • email
  • Print
  • PDF
  • Add to favorites
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn
  • Technorati
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • del.icio.us
  • Google Bookmarks
  • FriendFeed
  • Google Buzz
  • Yahoo! Buzz
  • MySpace

Permanent link to this article: http://thirdofalifetime.com/2009/09/21/sugar-shortage-is-that-a-bad-thing/

Thank You, UDub!

My loyalties remain firmly grounded in UCLA, but a win against USC is a win for everyone else. When unranked University of Washington beats (soon to not be) #3USC in football, it’s time to party! (Some things just need to end.)

ETA: Yes, it’s unseemly to gloat but … UCLA beat Kansas State 23-9. Just saying.

Share My Stuff! ~
  • email
  • Print
  • PDF
  • Add to favorites
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn
  • Technorati
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • del.icio.us
  • Google Bookmarks
  • FriendFeed
  • Google Buzz
  • Yahoo! Buzz
  • MySpace

Permanent link to this article: http://thirdofalifetime.com/2009/09/19/thank-you-udub/